Exploit the Earth Day!!

Last year on my blog I promoted a new celebration called Exploit the Earth Day. It is a day set aside to celebrate all the myriad ways in which man exploits the Earth in order to live. I was looking for ways to mark the occasion, special things one might do to show one's joy in the exploitation of the Earth. Since then, I've realized that Exploit the Earth Day shouldn't be about a once-a-year celebration. We have to let it become a way of life. That is what I've done. And since last year's exploitation of the Earth was so successful, I've decided to do it again this year. I want to recommend to everyone that rather than just setting aside a single day out of the year to pay lip-service to the exploitation of the Earth, let us resolve to make it our complete 24/7 "no-alternative" lifestyle. Here are a few of the things I personally intend to do:

• Convert oxygen into carbon dioxide via my respiratory system.
• Break down biomass materials into solid waste and methane gas via my digestive tract.
• Burn fossil fuels in my automobile for transportation, converting them into greenhouse gasses in an effort to stave off the next ice age.
• Purchase food produced by large agri-businesses that exploit Mother Earth in the most direct way possible--not to mention the fossil fuel they burn in planting, harvesting, and shipping their products to market.
• Purchase books and other paper products, which will require the mass slaughter of innocent trees, and the burning of fossil fuels to process them into paper and ship them to my door. (For extra style points, I'll have UPS occasionally deliver a single, over-packaged book to my house out in the country.)
• Purchase a wide variety of other products, which require the burning of fossil fuels in their manufacture and shipping.
• Use the various appliances in my home to wash and dry my clothes, wash dishes, cook food, heat water, cool and heat my house, circulate the air, watch movies, listen to music, surf the internet, and light up the house, all of which will require the burning of fossil fuels in power plants.

Those are just a few of the things that I think we can all do to exploit the Earth while dramatically improving our lives. I call it a "no-alternative" lifestyle, because the only alternative to exploiting the Earth is to lie down and be covered up by it.